


right here

by MANIAvinyl



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BASICALLY steve just needs reassurance. and a hug, Bucky Barnes Feels, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Other, PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 00:23:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15424908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MANIAvinyl/pseuds/MANIAvinyl
Summary: Steve wakes up, in a feverish cold sweat, dried tears on his cheeks and chest rising and falling far too rapidly. He sits up, wiping his eyes as he remembers the dream, the nightmare, the flashback of that train on the mountainside seventy-some years ago.





	right here

**Author's Note:**

> it’s real sad hours scoob send help

There’s a raging fear as Steve grips the side of the train. His knuckles are white and so, so cold. But Bucky’s there, and he needs to get to Bucky, if only he could just reach a little bit further... just a little bit...

And then the railing breaks and with it goes his best friend, the only person that really means anything to him. And Steve’s never felt something as painful as this before, something so strong. There’s anger in there too, at himself for not saving him, and at Bucky for not holding on. But mostly it’s grief, so sharp it seems it’s cutting right through Steve’s heart. 

And nothing felt right without Bucky. That’s the only way he could put it— nothing was the same. Nothing was the same in the places they used to go together, or the things they used to talk about. It was like Steve could see him, too, like he would turn the corner and Bucky would be standing there, with his same gentle smile, leaning against the wall, or the subway railings, or the deli counter. 

And then the snow would fill up his mouth, and his ears and his nose until it was cold, and cold was the only thing he knew. And then it went all black.

—

Steve wakes up, in a feverish cold sweat, dried tears on his cheeks and chest rising and falling far too rapidly. He sits up, wiping his eyes as he remembers the dream, the nightmare, the flashback of that train on the mountainside seventy-some years ago. 

“Bucky?” Steve knocks on the door shakily. He just needs to see him, make sure he’s still here. Still safe.

But Bucky doesn’t answer right away, the door doesn’t open and Steve’s too scared, too out of his mind to think about turning the handle and checking for himself so he backs up against the wall, heartbeat picking up again. His mind races.

And then it opens, and Bucky’s standing in the doorway, half-asleep and staring confusedly at Steve’s crumpled shape. Instantly Steve’s in his arms, trembling and holding tight. Bucky hugs back, unsure. 

“Steve?” he asks, voice muffled.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” comes the choked response. “I’m sorry. I just... just wanted to make sure.”

“Make sure of... what?”

“You. That you were here,” Steve whispers. “I got scared.”

“Oh.” Bucky frowns. “I’m here. You don’t have to worry. I’ll always be here, with you.”

“‘Til the end of the line?” Steve sniffles, looking up. His eyes are red, and puffy and Bucky knows that look. That look isn’t good. 

“Yes. ‘Til the end of the line,” he says softly, wiping Steve’s tears with his thumbs. “Come sit down. You’ll feel better.”

Steve nods, following Bucky to he bed. 

“You want any water?” Bucky asks. 

“No thanks.”

“Okay. Um... you want to tell me about it?”

“Not really,” Steve whispers. “But I will.”

“Good.”

“I had to relive it,” Steve says, flatly. “I saw it again, and again, and again. And I felt the pain again. Of your fall, Bucky. I saw you falling— you—“

“Shh. It’s okay. Look at me, Stevie. I’m right here.” Bucky reaches out his right arm, warm fingers touching Steve’s wrist. “Right here. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Steve met Bucky’s eyes. “I missed you,” he whispers, broken. “I lost you all over again.”

“No, you didn’t. I’m here.”

Steve held his head in his hands, shaking. “Jesus Christ, I hate those.”

“I know. I do, too.” Bucky smiles, though, warm and comforting and it finally sets in, for Steve, that he’s okay. He’s here.

So he leans into Bucky, who’s surprised for a moment but then wraps his arms around Steve like it’s the most important thing in the world. Like he never wants to let go. 

“Does it ever get to you,” Steve whispers, “that we never lived out our lives like we were supposed to? Like, in the forties and fifties and sixties?”

“Sometimes,” says Bucky. “But at least I’m not alone.”

“At least I’m not alone,” Steve repeats, agreeing. “I wonder if I would’ve liked it. Living like everyone else I used to know.”

“I think you’d be bored,” Bucky tells him, voice muffled. “You were meant for the fight.”

“Guess so.”

“You feeling okay? Feeling better?”

“I think.” Steve speaks into Bucky’s sweatshirt. “God, I hated missing you. I—“ he swallows, the muted fear sinking in again. “Tell me you’re here again. Tell me you’re real.”

“I’m right here,” Bucky repeats, softly rubbing circles into Steve’s back. “I’m real. I’m here.”

Steve nods, feeling the tears start to fall again, into Bucky’s shirt.

“Promise me you won’t leave me,” Steve chokes. “Promise me I won’t be alone again.”

“I promise.“

Only then can Bucky hear the hiccups, the quiet sobs that Steve always tries so desperately to hide.

Bucky remembers this like deja vu, like when Steve’s mother died, and his father, and when he lost his house. Bucky had held him as children the same as he does now. 

Steve falls asleep in Bucky’s arms, breathing soft and slow. Bucky watches his eyelids flutter, and notices his face looks peaceful. 

It’s sad, Bucky thinks. How much more peaceful he looks asleep than awake. 

“I won’t leave,” he whispers again, gentle. Steve stirs. “I won’t leave. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading sorry ik it’s short but hopefully u guys liked it!! Pls don’t forget kudos/ comment it’s what keeps me running


End file.
